Kids say fascinating things about the Bible: “Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.” “Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.” “Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.” “The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.” “Samson slayed the Philistines with the…

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When people find out I’ve been married to the same girl for 37 years in a row, they smile and sometimes applaud. But I did just about everything wrong in the early days. I was selfish. And this was before we discovered how to spell Wii with two I’s. I was cheap. So cheap that…

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On Father’s Day, I have mixed emotions when my kids give me gifts. I’m glad they remember me. I’m just disappointed they think I dress like that. But fatherhood affords ample opportunity to get even. On the day Kerstin received her learner’s permit, her father took her out for a driving lesson. But he hopped…

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Dear Steve, For 30 years we’ve prayed that God would provide a wife for you. A strong wife. God has a sense of humour. You’ve married Dallas, a world-record-holding powerlifter, able to squat 400 pounds. I told her, “That’s nothing. I do diddly squats.” She laughed, which is one more of a hundred things we…

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We all love surprises. Well, maybe not. At her wedding, a bride got a set of monogrammed towels with the name Mary embroidered on them. “Only trouble is,” she said, “my name isn’t Mary. Not even close. It’s Sarah.” Another couple received a 20-pound box of—are you ready? Bacon. I’ll bet that made them squeal.…

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The Best Mirror - Phil Callaway | Laugh Again

My dad invented the dad joke. Most mornings I watched him in the mirror as he shaved. “Do you know French fries aren’t cooked in France?” he’d say. “They’re cooked in Greece.” Dad could get serious too. A World War II veteran, Dad taught me about The Blitz, when waves of Luftwaffe bombers dropped their…

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Have you ever believed something and then discovered it wasn’t true? Here are far-fetched claims written on insurance forms. “A house hit my car.” “I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.” “The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up, so I…

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Grandkids surprise us with their words: “Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no children of their own. They like other peoples’ kids.” “They wear glasses and funny underwear.” “Grandmothers are usually fat but not too fat to tie up your shoelaces.” Last week our 4-year-old granddaughter said, “Mommy, I pray to God…

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I grew up in the home of a bookstore manager. You couldn’t walk four steps without stubbing your toe on something from Charles Spurgeon, Mark Twain or William Aloysius Keane—better known as Bil Keane, the creator of Family Circus, the cartoon that appeared each day in our newspaper. I liked Jeffy best. He seemed to…

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A 4-year-old asked his dad if they could get a kitten. Dad said, “No, I’m allergic to cats. We can’t be in the same house.” The 4-year-old thought about that and said, “Dad…you could sleep outside.” Ah, kids. Art Linkletter once asked a boy what he wanted to be when he grew up. The boy…

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