How to save $11,000 per year (click to comment)

Recently I had a lady confess to me that she was such a tightwad she used to steal light bulbs from restaurant washrooms. I said, “Honey, you have to stop that.” I’m kidding. It wasn’t my wife. But no matter how much we earn, cheapness can linger. I don’t recommend being a skinflint. But there are some simple behaviors we can nurture which allow us to save money that we can use to celebrate with and to give.

1. Hit ‘mute’ during TV commercials. Advertisers spend millions creating necessities for us and convincing us that we are miserable. We’re not. They’re liars and should have their mouths washed out with Tide, which I happen to be selling on my website. Ok, I’m kidding.
2. Buy a lottery ticket every three million years.
3. Eat out less. Restaurant food is higher in salt, fat, preservatives, grease and price. Nowhere in the Bible does it forbid throwing a bag of carrots, a few tomatoes and a saltshaker into the backseat and letting the kids munch on them. Of course, if you must eat out…
4. Split a plate. You don’t have to wait until you’re old enough to order from the Senior’s Menu. Start now. Most portions in America today will feed a family of 34 anyway. In fact, no one has finished a meal in a Texas restaurant since John Candy wolfed down the “Old 96er” (96 ounces of fat and gristle) in “The Great Outdoors.”
5. Avoid retail.
6. Order water. Most restaurants do not charge for this. Unless you order it in bottles labeled Oui Le Riche. Those who study such things tell us that a can of pop costs 2500 times as much as a glass of water.

If you follow these simple procedures you may save enough money to sponsor a village of needy children, to take all your neighbours to Disneyland, or to purchase one cup of Starbucks coffee every day this month. The Bible is filled with instruction on using our resources wisely. Proverbs 21:5 tells us that “the thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenty; but the thoughts of everyone who is hasty only to poverty.” God blesses His kids so they can bless others. If your spending habits leave you with nothing to give to those who have less, you’re spending too much.

Remember our generous Saviour, who gave everything away for you. And be careful at the store. Never shop when you’re hungry. Or angry. Or depressed. Or having hot flashes. And please share your own money saving secrets with us in the comment section. We love hearing from you.