Master of the Home (click to comment)

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I heard from a dad who said he was tired of his wife getting all the credit around the home. He said that guests instinctively thanked his wife for dinner, and asked her for the casserole recipe. “It was MY idea to put chocolate in the casserole,” he said. Well, if you think the ladies get too much credit, if you’re weary of your 3-year-old running to Mommy first, to kiss his owies better, you’ve come to the right place. Men. It’s time we take back the home. Let’s get to work.

First. Let’s tackle the diaper change. Step 1: remove the old diaper and clean the underside of the baby. Step 2: Spread the diaper in the position of a ball diamond with you at bat and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. In case of rain, you will need to call the game and start over again. Well done. Next, let’s clean the toilet. Ask your wife for the right tools, address the porcelain machine and lift the hood. You’ll find remnants of grease and gunk inside the engine, so pull out the gunk blaster and scrubber and get to when finished, flush the cleaning fluid from the engine block by pressing the lever on the upper left hand side of the frame. Then give the outside a quick spray and shine. Trust me, your wife will be impressed. Our last task of the day is to bake a casserole. You may need to get your wife to direct you to the kitchen. Locate the instruction manual, and flip to the item “casserole.” You’ll discover the construction material in large upright box along the wall. Sing the song “Macho Man” as you put your apron on, then assemble your materials in a rectangular glass bowl, following the directions. Once all the parts have been assembled, locate the smaller box, right next to the large box full of construction materials. Open the door on this box and put your project inside. Press the button labelled bake and turn up the temperature gauge. Remove finished casserole when you smell smoke.

Congratulations men. Once you were but king of the couch, now you are master of the home. There was a time when I was more of a burden around the home than a blessing. I viewed my work as far more important than the work my wife did. But in Matthew 20:26-28, Jesus tells us this: “Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant…For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Dads, let’s follow Jesus’ example and be servants today. And if that casserole you make is a little on the burnt side? Cover it in chocolate. If that doesn’t work, order in pizza.

Phil Callaway

Phil Callaway, the host of Laugh Again, is an award-winning author and speaker, known worldwide for his humorous yet perceptive look at life.

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