Posts Tagged ‘August’

Do you like cartoons? Right now I have a few taped to the bottom of my computer monitor. One cartoon has two windows with signs over each window. Over the first it says “complaints.” The line at the complaint window stretches out of sight. People look like they’ve been locked in a pickle jar for…

When you leave this world, how will you be remembered? Maybe people will remember that you set a world record. Like Fin Keheler, who stuck 43 snails to his face for 10 seconds. Surpassing the previous record of 36. The poor guy is still cleaning slime out of his ears. My kids have made fun…

Well, I kid you not, we’re expecting. The news came at a Thai restaurant when she grinned, handed me a gift bag and said, “Congratulations!” Inside was a coffee mug, with these words on it: “Don’t mess with me, I’m the Grandpa!” My wife Ramona screamed. That’s when I realized they didn’t buy my mug…

Waiting is not my favourite game. I’ve played it often. As a child, I waited for the cookies as they cooled on the counter. I waited hours in closets that my brothers locked me in and weeks for my sister to emerge from the bathroom. Maybe she was writing a novel in there, I’m not…

One night when our children were small, I tucked them into bed, then sat down to watch a Blue Jay’s game. My right hand moved robotically to the bookstand beside me and fished around for the remote, coming up empty. I searched under the sofa. And behind the sofa. And inside the sofa. Nothing. Some…

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never liked pain. One Saturday, as I lay on my back thrusting weights into the air, those 30 pounds got away from me. I can still recall the event in vivid Technicolor—sometimes in slow motion, and often in the middle of the night. Helplessly I watched as the…

I’m sick and tired of insomnia. Of the nagging feeling this dog must have had when he finally came to (promise me you’ll come back as soon as you watch this): Experts tell us that 48 percent of us suffer from a sleeping disorder. If this is true, we need to stay awake until we…

What helps you laugh? We took to the streets and coffee shops to ask this question of unsuspecting people. One rather cranky soul said, “If you’d leave me alone, then I could laugh!” But most were happy to respond. Here are some answers: Kids can help us laugh. And not just when they’re small. Our…