That’s Ridiculous

Ever said something so ridiculous that you surprised yourself? I may be the only guy in history to thank a police officer for a speeding ticket. He handed it to me and I said, “Thank you.” He was as surprised as I was. A friend was checking out at a grocery store so he put…

Read More

The Energizer Mommy

It’s time for me to tell you five things I never heard my mother say: 1) “There’s money in my purse if you ever need some.” 2) “Don’t bother wearing a jacket. The cold helps build your immune system.” 3) “Well, if Stevie’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.” 4) “Feel free…

Read More

My Atheist Friend (click to comment)

Do you have any atheists in your life? I hope so. I hear all the jokes like, “God doesn’t believe in atheists.” Or quotes like the one from Woody Allen: “How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?” But for me,…

Read More

Water Has Broken (click to comment)

Last Saturday, I got two phone calls, one from my son Steve who said, “Dad, my water heater broke.” I have no idea why he’d call a guy like me. I’m not even certain where hot water comes from. The basement, I think. “Mop up the water,” I told him, “and call your Uncle Bill.…

Read More

Take Another Run At It (click to comment)

Have you ever been cranky? Years ago a friend came into my office with a cartoon of a prune-faced man talking to his doctor. He said, “What do you mean I’ve got an ulcer? I don’t get ulcers, I give them.” “That’s you,” my friend said. “Are you serious?” He laughed. “Well…just a little.” The…

Read More

What Mom Knows (click to comment)

Mothers are amazing. My wife grew up in a home of mostly girls. So when our two boys came along, she wasn’t quite prepared for two little orangutans streaking about the house wearing nothing but big smiles. They put jello in the toaster, mud in their diapers, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the…

Read More

Speak Words of Life (click to comment)

Words. They’re powerful aren’t they? If you doubt me, try running through your office yelling the words “Free donuts,” or “Whose Mercedes was that? I just raffled it off.” Words can bring joy and life. If you’re a husband I would like you to find your wife, place your hand on your heart and repeat…

Read More

Problem Child (click to comment)

  I was a difficult child. In fact, most adults grew tired of me early on in my life. “Calm down,” they’d say. “Slow down, settle down, sit down, simmer down, climb down from there, lie down.” They said that a lot at night. “If you don’t lie down, I’ll come down there and you’ll…

Read More

Gretzky’s Stolen Trophy (click to comment)

Twenty-five years later, I was speaking in a church when a guy named Russell told me a story that caused my eyebrows to stay raised for about half an hour. On the night the Oilers won the Stanley Cup, a guy named Russell and a friend somehow got a hold of press passes and sneaked…

Read More

Prank It Forward? (click to comment)

Have you ever played a good clean harmless prank? My mother was the first one I knew to play pranks that kept us on our toes. One night she short-sheeted my bed. This is a staple for any self-respecting prankster. The victim’s bed is made with the bottom sheet folded upwards to serve as the…

Read More