The Energizer Mommy

It’s time for me to tell you five things I never heard my mother say:

1) “There’s money in my purse if you ever need some.”
2) “Don’t bother wearing a jacket. The cold helps build your immune system.”
3) “Well, if Stevie’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”
4) “Feel free to use your bed as a trampoline. I don’t mind.” And finally,
5) “Your father will never know about this. Let’s talk about it, you and me.”

We used to brag about our dads in the playground, but I knew that moms were pretty incredible too. I had seen them carry up to four children at once. And moms had babies. In those days, at least a dozen, just for starters. Moms were strong. Supermom Angela Cavallo lifted a 3,500 pound 1964 Chevy to save her son who was pinned underneath. Lydia Angiyou fought a polar bear long enough for hunters to arrive, saving her son and two nephews.

Moms are amazing. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the record for most kids belongs to Mrs. Feodor Vassilyev of Russia with 69 children. Of the 69, there were 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets. I’m exhausted just telling you that.
The mother who had the largest baby on record is Carmelina Fedele of Italy. Her newborn weighed 22 pounds, 8 oz. This would be a bit like me trying to pass an avocado through my nose.

I’m told that over the course of 18 years, the average mom spends 8,200 hours cooking for her family, 11,000 hours cleaning and fixing stuff around the house, and a whopping 16,800 hours taking care of the kids. I think it took that long just to potty train one of ours. In 2012, stay at home moms averaged 94.7 hours of work per week. Moms need six hands and the vitality of the Energizer Bunny.
There is no calling quite as noble and influential as that of a mother. Proverbs 31:25-31 says, “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

I’ve talked to mothers who feel overwhelmed and overworked, but few who feel over appreciated. So it’s time we thank our moms. Otherwise,
they may completely lose their minds and start saying things like, “You should stay inside more often. Maybe watch some TV.” Or, “Let me smell that shirt—Ah, it’s good for another week.”

Phil Callaway

Phil Callaway, the host of Laugh Again, is an award-winning author and speaker, known worldwide for his humorous yet perceptive look at life.

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