Bible Verses That Aren’t

Kids say fascinating things about the Bible:

“Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.”

“Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.”

“Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.”

“The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.”

“Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.”

“Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.”

Children aren’t the only ones who are a little confused when it comes to the Good Book.

When Mike Ditka was fired as coach of the Chicago Bears, the NFL coaching legend told a press conference, “Scripture tells you that all things shall pass. This, too, shall pass.” The media tried to locate the chapter and verse, but couldn’t. In Matthew 24 Jesus says, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away.” But He was talking about the end of time, not the firing of football coaches.

For years, many of us have been quoting Bible verses that don’t exist. Like “love the sinner, hate the sin.” Actually, Gandhi said that.

And about Adam and Eve eating an apple. We don’t know what kind of fruit it was. Likely a peach. That’s my wife’s favourite.

And money is not the root of all evil. It’s the love of money.

My mother often said, before spitting on a towel to clean jam off my chin, “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” Is that in the Bible? Nope!

This saying has been credited to John Wesley. Good hygiene won’t get us into heaven.

Movies contain Bible verses that aren’t. Like, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” And this so-called Bible verse you hear in two out of every three Westerns: “God helps those who help themselves.”

I’m told Benjamin Franklin first said this.

In truth, God helps those who can’t help themselves. We’re all broken. We all need a Savior.

And we need to spend time in the Bible learning what it really says, remembering that it’s not so much what we know but whose we are, that counts in the end.

The Bible contains history and truth, but above all, it is the amazing story of redemption, of how God, through the death of Jesus, gets his wayward kids back.

When we experience that redemption, we want to hear from God each day. He meets us in the pages of this awesome book. Whatever your age, pick it up today. Even if you have trouble keeping its stories straight. Like the kid who told his Sunday School teacher,

“Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.”

Phil Callaway

Phil Callaway, the host of Laugh Again, is an award-winning author and speaker, known worldwide for his humorous yet perceptive look at life.

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